1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Houston, we have a squirter
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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