I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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