Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
