You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
