Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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