He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize