No, drunk sperm still make babies.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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