a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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