why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
