Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
