I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
