Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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