Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
