How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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