i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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