I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
