Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You don't make any sense
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