I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
