I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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