sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
