do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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