i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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