If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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