Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
