The maid of honor just puked.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
