Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
