Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
