I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
