I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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