Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
