i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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