The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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