peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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