when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
