why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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