mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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