I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
