She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
