I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
