dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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