Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
