I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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