Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
