Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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