I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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