lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
