The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
