Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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