she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
