You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
