I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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