Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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