he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
