i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
