i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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