I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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