weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
