Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
