Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
