i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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