How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
